Smart Appliances
Smart appliances of the future will be like "The Family
Guy" cartoon. What do I mean by this? Well, what do you think
I mean by this? I know you are but what am I?
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Well, let me get to the point. Everyone
is all Ooh and Ah about smart home technology. But, have
you really thought through what it will be like once the
smart grid gets going and your smart appliances turn into
smart aleck appliances?
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First, your refrigerator will be Peter in girth and temperament.
Your refrigerator will be a giant smart appliance Freudian Id
keeping the food to itself and only doing what it wants to do
when it wants to do it. When your refrigerator is running, it
will really be running and getting into no good trouble, I tell
you.
Stewie will be your smart toaster as he's always burning with
anger ready to pop up and kill Lois at a moment's notice. Lois,
however is more like the crock pot that holds the rest of the
crackpot family of smart appliances together.
Brian is like the smart stove, even cooking most of the time,
but with a tendency towards flameouts on occasion. He and the
toaster can make a pretty humorous meal together. Meg is like
the smart, robotic vacuum cleaner. She sucks up a lot of crap
from the rest of the family of appliances, is always cleaning
up their messes and sometimes simply turns into their doormat.
Chris would be more like the garbage disposal. For a smart appliance,
he's pretty dumb, ingests a lot and doesn't do a whole lot. In
fact, calling them "smart appliances" is a misnomer
since they will be pretty dumb. They will be at the beck and call
of the smart grid which itself is
run by the dumb ole power company.
Since crap flows downhill from dumb to dumber, just how intelligent
does this make the smart appliances? Even though your smart appliances
will be talking with the so called smart grid, behind your back
and probably without your consent, how helpful will this be really?
The power company will charge you more in "smart service
fees" so that they can jack up their prices to you, the consumer,
while reducing power consumption on their end. This means more
profit for the power companies right out of your wallet. Cha-ching.
In the future the only smart appliance worth having will be a
device that vibrates for use by adult consenting couples. Cha-ching!
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